Sunday, July 19, 2009
all things come to an end.

But should the endings be sad all the time? I've had a lot of heartbreaks, a lot of tears fell down my cheeks, a lot of people came and left my rainbow colored life. I've been through a lot of storms, a lot of endings greatly affected my life. I ended my silence a year ago and that was a great ending, we moved on but I'm sure he moved on first. I ended my being a weak creature only weeks ago and it was another great ending. Now, there's an ending again, this time a sad one.


There are so many questions bothering me right now. They say that there are only very few truths in life. Number 1, everyone's given the chance to be alive. Number 2, everyone will be ill even just once in his life. Number 3, everything comes to an end including life. Now, my biggest question is, are friendships supposed to end?


I don't know the answer, but I do hope it's the 2-letter word. I'm scared, I don't like more sad endings, I don't like failed friendships, I don't like people to leave. Weird enough, what happens is what I don't like. Yes, I suffered a failed friendship. Still suffering actually, just because of stupid basketball.


If I were another person, I'd hate basketball right now. It made me cry a couple of times because of sad loses and sad news, it gave me the wrong impression that I can be friends with people who love the same team as mine who I only meet online, and now, it's making my life miserable. But I'm not another person. With or without basketball, maybe something like this would've happen anyway.


Failed friendships, why are there failed friendships? Sometimes, it's because of lies, lack of trust, misunderstandings. In my case, it's probably because of differences, differences which are not handled well, common denominators which are not common anymore. In math, one can only add or subtract fractions with common denominators, if they're not the same, one can find the least common denominator if he wants to. In life, it's the same thing. We can only have good relationships if we have common denominators or if we put some extra effort in finding any common denominator at all. Maybe, just maybe, they don't like the idea finding it. The easiest common denominator? Both must want to be friends again despite differences.


Closed doors. Maybe they've closed doors for me, maybe they've closed doors for similarities, for friendship. I've always been open to them, I've told them before about what I felt but they didn't like it. I tried not telling them and they didn't like it as well. I don't know what to do, what to feel, what to expect. My doors are open, their worlds aren't. I did things, but they weren't enough for people who don't want to be friends with someone like me anymore just because of very shallow stuff.


I have a clear conscience, there are so many things they're accusing me which are not true. They have said so many ill stuff about me, I'm supposed to be strong and not care at all but I can't help but be sad about the whole thing. But then again, what can I do but pretend that I can face everything?


If you guys are reading this, I'm very glad. I wanna explain my side. First off, I don't think there's anything wrong with congratulating the winners and in wishing that some other players go the Finals MVP title instead. It's part of being a person with sportsmanship, just like what two of your team's players showed when they came up the stage to smile, to take their trophy, and be thankful that they got to the Finals. Second, I never said teased you about the result of the game, that not how I roll. I never called you losers and I never will, there's nothing good I can get from that. Third, I'm not comparing any team to yours. If you're pertaining to Purefoods, sorry, I don't have a team. I've been a PBA fan since February. Fourth, you're asking me why I joined, right? I joined the group because I wanted friends who share the same passion, not because I wanted to be an ultimate fan. I thought I'd find real friends. But then again, I thought wrong. Fifth, I hope that you won't judge my future by saying that no one will ever treat me right because right now, there are those who do and sadly, you're not like them. You're not seers to say these stuff, you don't know what the future holds. Sixth, I erased my post because I realized that that post won't change the mood of everyone. I wanted to encourage some fans (which do not include you) to not cry over spilled milk. You can't make your team win by being bitter.


What else.. Oh yeah, I have friends. I'm not a loner. I actually have a group at school and we're composed of more than 10 members. We hang out together and we're real friends. Don't judge me that easily because you don't even know me and you haven't even seen me in person. You say that I'm a waste of time yet you waste your time plurking about me. Yeah, I admit that I'm sometimes a cry baby. But ask any of my friends if they've seen me cry recently because I haven't. You call me "plastic." But no, I'm not. I'm real and I don't care what people say about me. I'm too frank and that's probably why you guys hate me. I don't do things that a plastic person does, I don't make people that I don't like feel that I like them or something.


I'm not a Ginebra hater. I loved Ginebra before, long before I knew about the real stuff. And how the hell can you say that I'm a Ginebra hater? Ginebra has Macky Escalona, Eric Menk, Cyrus Baguio, Chico Lanete, Chris Pacana, and Junthy Valenzuela. I love these players and they're in your team. Do you really think I'd hate your team if I love almost half of your players? Oh please.


It's been an extremely sad ending to what could've been a long and happy friendship. I had so many dreams about our group like watching together once I'm 18 or something. I told one of you that before. And she even told me that she'll love me even if I'd become a fan of her hatest team. Where is she now? She's one of you, one of those who hate me. I love the group even if I left Ginebra. Problem is, when I left Ginebra, you hated me. Oh well, as they say, "Good things don't last." This is life, there's nothing left to do but to hold on despite the strong winds that blow.

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posted with love by hanna.*

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